I wish I could be able to say that to so many people I really loved and cherished dearly. It's not about the deceased in my circle of family/friends, but the people whom I've separated from due to sudden/progressive changes in social groups, geographic separation, or issues that were not worth splitting apart for.
I have so many regrets in my life that I wish I could go back and fix. I've had break-ups that didn't just end up as a break-up from a particular relationship, but that whole social circle that left along with that person. Do you know how much it hurts to be left by the people you love and care for so much in the blink of an eye?? It's just so painful. Loneliness is something I've dealt with my entire life, but I'd rather be and/or stay lonely than to give so much heart to people and they just end up running away with their piece. That piece still pumps within their grasp. I miss them so much.
I know, rationally, that they shouldn't have left me if they were really my true friends, but I just want them back. I wish I could have them back. I have an apartment that no one really comes to but me and my girlfriend. That's it. I wish that all of those friendships that I've developed in the past could come back and keep me company sometimes. I just loved these people so much.
I just don't know what to do. This feeling of loneliness, missing people, and reminiscing about the great times we've had together and the amazing character they possess, brings me to such a depressive state. I wish I could have so many phases of my life back. I wish I could've changed things. I wish I could be happy.
Do I not deserve it? Have I not been a good enough friend/confidant/boyfriend? I've done so much for every single person I consider a good friend, and it always seems like the appreciate it so much and are highly grateful for it. That, is unfairly short-lived when loyalties and alliances are at stake if they don't side against me. I give so much, and yet so much is still stolen from me. It's just not fair.
It's just.... not... fair.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
A Christmas Failure...
I don't celebrate Christmas as a religious holiday (who REALLY does nowadays), but more as a celebratory event. My girlfriend LOVES Christmas for the same reason.
She went home for the holiday break, and won't be coming back until the next few days. Since she and all my other friends went home for the break, it left me all alone at home, drinking beer, watching TV, and helping people with their relationships through this community forum-based site. I guess it's my way of submitting my 'deed of the day.'
So since she left, this leaves me a couple of days to do my holiday shopping for her, right? WRONG. I've been working like a dog since she left, and no time to even do the dishes.
I had today off, and so I decided to go shopping, since I'm not going to have time for it by the time she gets here. As I'm shopping, Everything that she "hinted" on that I needed to get her went down the tubes. And the 'tubes' meaning it's all out of stock! I ran around stores, looked high and low, left and right... nothing.
It's a HUGE plush teddy bear and a recipe notebook that we found at Sam's Club a few weeks earlier. I go in there today, and nothing. They were out of both, and that was my plan A with no plan B. I went frantically to every Sam's Club in the area and nothing. I just love their customer service also. They really don't care that that's all she wants and that's my only day off to get those things. I mean it's not about those items, it's the sentimental value that she placed on them when she said the magical words, "oh I'd love these for Christmas!" I tried to show that I didn't care, but I had it branded in my head that I was gonna get these right when I had a chance to.
And now they're gone. Along with a bunch of other little things. WTF am I to do now?
I went online, went to their website, they wouldn't even tell me which store they had them in stock in! I had to insert the store closest to me first, then they tell me that that particular store is out of that item. Then I have to go back, select another store, and it's either "Not Available" or, you guessed it, "Out of Stock."
I just don't know what to do. I hate Christmas and all the countless people that shove everything in their cart as if it's a race for who could get things first and who got the most. There's too many people in this world. I'm just in a mood right now where I'm hating on a lot of things.
I gotta work on projects, clean the apartment, and do a lot of other stuff to prepare for a 6-day workweek that I'm not gonna have enough time to do much else for. It's sad.
I just had to get this all off of my chest, and since I have no one following or probably reading this blog, I guess it's just a way to vent to myself and for myself.
She went home for the holiday break, and won't be coming back until the next few days. Since she and all my other friends went home for the break, it left me all alone at home, drinking beer, watching TV, and helping people with their relationships through this community forum-based site. I guess it's my way of submitting my 'deed of the day.'
So since she left, this leaves me a couple of days to do my holiday shopping for her, right? WRONG. I've been working like a dog since she left, and no time to even do the dishes.
I had today off, and so I decided to go shopping, since I'm not going to have time for it by the time she gets here. As I'm shopping, Everything that she "hinted" on that I needed to get her went down the tubes. And the 'tubes' meaning it's all out of stock! I ran around stores, looked high and low, left and right... nothing.
It's a HUGE plush teddy bear and a recipe notebook that we found at Sam's Club a few weeks earlier. I go in there today, and nothing. They were out of both, and that was my plan A with no plan B. I went frantically to every Sam's Club in the area and nothing. I just love their customer service also. They really don't care that that's all she wants and that's my only day off to get those things. I mean it's not about those items, it's the sentimental value that she placed on them when she said the magical words, "oh I'd love these for Christmas!" I tried to show that I didn't care, but I had it branded in my head that I was gonna get these right when I had a chance to.
And now they're gone. Along with a bunch of other little things. WTF am I to do now?
I went online, went to their website, they wouldn't even tell me which store they had them in stock in! I had to insert the store closest to me first, then they tell me that that particular store is out of that item. Then I have to go back, select another store, and it's either "Not Available" or, you guessed it, "Out of Stock."
I just don't know what to do. I hate Christmas and all the countless people that shove everything in their cart as if it's a race for who could get things first and who got the most. There's too many people in this world. I'm just in a mood right now where I'm hating on a lot of things.
I gotta work on projects, clean the apartment, and do a lot of other stuff to prepare for a 6-day workweek that I'm not gonna have enough time to do much else for. It's sad.
I just had to get this all off of my chest, and since I have no one following or probably reading this blog, I guess it's just a way to vent to myself and for myself.
Monday, December 14, 2009
HTML anyone?
Does anyone know XML and/or HTML by any chance? I haven't messed around with that stuff since the MySpace era. I'm having trouble with the buttons above that read "Posts RSS", "Comments RSS", and "About Me."
How do I get them to go to their specified link?? I've tried to mess around with the script off of the template I got but all I get when I click the links is either jibberish or the "Sorry, this page is not found" message. What do I do??
Brokeness, My New Duct Tape Wallet, and a Good Idea
I'm a college student = I'm poor.
With the exception of the mamma's boys or daddy's girls that get all of what they could EVER imagine, I fortunately do not fit into that scenario.
I've been broke for a couple of years now, working in several restaurants in the past trying to make ends meet. The pile of bills just never seem to end! I think by now most Americans feel the same way I do, it's just sad that most of these people have wives/husbands and kids and established lives, and they're in similar shoes as I am. DAMN THOSE BANKERS WHO WENT ALL 'FREE WILLY' WITH THE UNPAYABLE MORTGAGES!! If it wasn't for them, I might actually have a decent job right now!
I've been so broke that my wallet's been falling apart from all the worthless maxed-out credit cards and 'rewards cards.' I have everything anybody would ever think of having in a wallet except for one thing: money. So since I knew I probably wasn't gonna get anything for Christmas (yayy for not being Christian!), and my obvious brokeness, I decided to make a duct tape wallet.
I remember trying to make one years ago but I failed miserably. I've always been bad with arts and crafts, but this one I actually stuck myself on the couch and promised myself not to get up until it was finished. I looked for tutorials on how to make one online, went through a roll of duct tape (I screwed up a lot), and ta da! I actually finished it! I was actually very proud of myself. I never finish these kinds of things, let alone have something that works and looks pretty decent.
When I started to transfer all of my worthless junk out of my old wallet to my BRAND-SPANKING NEW duct tape bi-fold wallet, I realized I had a lot of crap. Business cards, more rewards cards, memberships, and a whole bunch of receipts that measured up to a stack of 4 inches! No wonder why my wallet fell apart! So i cleared up some of the clutter and tried my new wallet out. Turns out I forgot a few pockets! I already had the big money pocket, and 6 pockets on each side, but I completely forgot about the side pockets that are behind the pockets and a splitter to go in between the two money pocket flaps (even though it's not really that necessary). So that left me the rest of the night thinking about how I want to go get a new roll of duct tape and make a duct-tape wallet 2.0 (it's what all the tech companies do when they find out that their first product sucked, so why can't I?). So I'm thinking that's gonna be my project for tonight.
Leaving that aside, my brokeness has led me to think about life differently. About how this world really works and why it does. Many wish that we could have healthcare overhauls, banker sanctions, the end of all wars and never ending peace with daises and flowers and little fairies to rule the land... ok I went a little overboard there but you get the point....
But it won't happen! We're too strapped on the idea of being born, learning life, working, reproducing, then more work, then fizzle out until you die. What a way to live. No wonder why many years ago people created theology and mythology! It gives them a sense of hope that this dreaded life isn't all that there is to be offered to us. That we somehow deserve to have second chances and eternal happiness and 'rivers of milk and honey.' But that's not gonna happen now is it?
We rely too much on this system with no foundation. It HAD a foundation some time ago (like having currency backed with precious metals) but apparently that wasn't such a good idea. So now we have papers and little metal discs that dictate who eats, drinks, has a roof on their head, and also the ultimatum of who dies. Oh the power of those little notes.
Which brings me to this whole new idea called 'The Venus Project.' It's thought up by this self-proclaimed 'futurist' named Jacque Fresco. Not much of an education, he started thinking about how life would be if we didn't rely on a monetary system anymore, and began to actually enjoy life instead of work ourselves to death (along with our environment). Maybe a lack of education actually helped him out with the 'non-conformist thinking' that governments and large enterprises want you to evade from and abide by their rules.
Check their website out, I really don't think I did him or his project much justice above:
http://www.thevenusproject.com/
With the exception of the mamma's boys or daddy's girls that get all of what they could EVER imagine, I fortunately do not fit into that scenario.
I've been broke for a couple of years now, working in several restaurants in the past trying to make ends meet. The pile of bills just never seem to end! I think by now most Americans feel the same way I do, it's just sad that most of these people have wives/husbands and kids and established lives, and they're in similar shoes as I am. DAMN THOSE BANKERS WHO WENT ALL 'FREE WILLY' WITH THE UNPAYABLE MORTGAGES!! If it wasn't for them, I might actually have a decent job right now!
I've been so broke that my wallet's been falling apart from all the worthless maxed-out credit cards and 'rewards cards.' I have everything anybody would ever think of having in a wallet except for one thing: money. So since I knew I probably wasn't gonna get anything for Christmas (yayy for not being Christian!), and my obvious brokeness, I decided to make a duct tape wallet.
I remember trying to make one years ago but I failed miserably. I've always been bad with arts and crafts, but this one I actually stuck myself on the couch and promised myself not to get up until it was finished. I looked for tutorials on how to make one online, went through a roll of duct tape (I screwed up a lot), and ta da! I actually finished it! I was actually very proud of myself. I never finish these kinds of things, let alone have something that works and looks pretty decent.
When I started to transfer all of my worthless junk out of my old wallet to my BRAND-SPANKING NEW duct tape bi-fold wallet, I realized I had a lot of crap. Business cards, more rewards cards, memberships, and a whole bunch of receipts that measured up to a stack of 4 inches! No wonder why my wallet fell apart! So i cleared up some of the clutter and tried my new wallet out. Turns out I forgot a few pockets! I already had the big money pocket, and 6 pockets on each side, but I completely forgot about the side pockets that are behind the pockets and a splitter to go in between the two money pocket flaps (even though it's not really that necessary). So that left me the rest of the night thinking about how I want to go get a new roll of duct tape and make a duct-tape wallet 2.0 (it's what all the tech companies do when they find out that their first product sucked, so why can't I?). So I'm thinking that's gonna be my project for tonight.
Leaving that aside, my brokeness has led me to think about life differently. About how this world really works and why it does. Many wish that we could have healthcare overhauls, banker sanctions, the end of all wars and never ending peace with daises and flowers and little fairies to rule the land... ok I went a little overboard there but you get the point....
But it won't happen! We're too strapped on the idea of being born, learning life, working, reproducing, then more work, then fizzle out until you die. What a way to live. No wonder why many years ago people created theology and mythology! It gives them a sense of hope that this dreaded life isn't all that there is to be offered to us. That we somehow deserve to have second chances and eternal happiness and 'rivers of milk and honey.' But that's not gonna happen now is it?
We rely too much on this system with no foundation. It HAD a foundation some time ago (like having currency backed with precious metals) but apparently that wasn't such a good idea. So now we have papers and little metal discs that dictate who eats, drinks, has a roof on their head, and also the ultimatum of who dies. Oh the power of those little notes.
Which brings me to this whole new idea called 'The Venus Project.' It's thought up by this self-proclaimed 'futurist' named Jacque Fresco. Not much of an education, he started thinking about how life would be if we didn't rely on a monetary system anymore, and began to actually enjoy life instead of work ourselves to death (along with our environment). Maybe a lack of education actually helped him out with the 'non-conformist thinking' that governments and large enterprises want you to evade from and abide by their rules.
Check their website out, I really don't think I did him or his project much justice above:
http://www.thevenusproject.com/
Friday, December 11, 2009
I just don't understand religion anymore.
So I've been looking at a lot of videos about religion, atheism, christianity, islam, judaism, buddhism, and a bunch of other "isms" about how they're legit and how they're false. I think Ray Comfort is my favorite so far! I watched him on YouTube with opposition having calm discussions and debates about god's existence/non-existence. His answer with anything that was tricky or if he felt cornered, he just cried 'uncle' by saying "Oh, God did it! He meant it that way because he is all-mighty, all-knowing, and he has a plan!"
Guess how hard it must be for the debaters! I mean c'mon, what would the Atheists say, "because science told me to"? It doesn't make sense on the Atheists' side (therefore was not used by them) and neither should it make sense on his side either.
I've come to realize a lot more things in the past few years about religion and how it impacts societies, social/civil livelihoods, and alternative explanations/interpretations of scriptures and holy texts.
For example, my biggest one yet has been about how the Quran is not only written in Arabic in the original text, but also in Syro-Aramaic. I speak Arabic (I'm not Muslim by the way, I'm Buddhist/Atheist) and have read the Quran several times and have had trouble understanding mere grammatical and syntax phrases. It turns out that it's not Arabic after all! I know, it's kinda weird, but the two languages are so similar but they have different grammatical structures and vocabulary. The funniest mis-translation so far was the whole 72 virgins thing turned out to be raisins... yea... people get themselves for something they could buy at a damn grocery store for cheap....
Well, it's pretty late and I have work and school tomorrow morning... I guess this is where I'll leave off until next time!
Guess how hard it must be for the debaters! I mean c'mon, what would the Atheists say, "because science told me to"? It doesn't make sense on the Atheists' side (therefore was not used by them) and neither should it make sense on his side either.
I've come to realize a lot more things in the past few years about religion and how it impacts societies, social/civil livelihoods, and alternative explanations/interpretations of scriptures and holy texts.
For example, my biggest one yet has been about how the Quran is not only written in Arabic in the original text, but also in Syro-Aramaic. I speak Arabic (I'm not Muslim by the way, I'm Buddhist/Atheist) and have read the Quran several times and have had trouble understanding mere grammatical and syntax phrases. It turns out that it's not Arabic after all! I know, it's kinda weird, but the two languages are so similar but they have different grammatical structures and vocabulary. The funniest mis-translation so far was the whole 72 virgins thing turned out to be raisins... yea... people get themselves for something they could buy at a damn grocery store for cheap....
Well, it's pretty late and I have work and school tomorrow morning... I guess this is where I'll leave off until next time!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
My first blog entry
I've been thinking about writing a blog for a while now. Since I haven't really had much exposure with blogs and what they're all about, I was a bit hesitant. What gave me that final push was this blogger on YouTube and Blogger (yayy Google), who goes by the name "k-rina" (her blog) or her YouTube name, "ZOMGitsCriss" (her channel). From what I can tell is that she's a Romanian 18-23(?) year old girl who shares her views with everything concerning politics, religion, and all the way to making a "Shakira" video of her bell-dancing (it was cute!).
So I'm expecting this blog to be a bit similar to how hers is, since she is my inspiration and all (kudos to k-rina!). I'll write about my share of views and commentaries of life, religion, politics, and everything in between. I have a feeling that I'll be ranting about all things that are happening everyday in my life and the world around me as well.
If you have any comments, suggestions, anything at all, feel free to comment on my posts, as I will read them all and reply to as many as I can! But please, keep it civil, I don't feel like reading threats, insults, or any other sort of offensive criticism that has no contribution to the topic, but just there to insult me.
And please, one more thing, the whole "make money easily through google!" or "enhance your male genitalia by three simple steps!" or my favorite, "lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks!!" comments are just plain annoying... so please, I make enough money, I'm pretty happy with my "size," and I like my weight, so enough with the spamming!
Thank you, and enjoy.
So I'm expecting this blog to be a bit similar to how hers is, since she is my inspiration and all (kudos to k-rina!). I'll write about my share of views and commentaries of life, religion, politics, and everything in between. I have a feeling that I'll be ranting about all things that are happening everyday in my life and the world around me as well.
If you have any comments, suggestions, anything at all, feel free to comment on my posts, as I will read them all and reply to as many as I can! But please, keep it civil, I don't feel like reading threats, insults, or any other sort of offensive criticism that has no contribution to the topic, but just there to insult me.
And please, one more thing, the whole "make money easily through google!" or "enhance your male genitalia by three simple steps!" or my favorite, "lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks!!" comments are just plain annoying... so please, I make enough money, I'm pretty happy with my "size," and I like my weight, so enough with the spamming!
Thank you, and enjoy.
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