"I Miss You"

I wish I could be able to say that to so many people I really loved and cherished dearly. It's not about the deceased in my circle of family/friends, but the people whom I've separated from due to sudden/progressive changes in social groups, geographic separation, or issues that were not worth splitting apart for.

I have so many regrets in my life that I wish I could go back and fix. I've had break-ups that didn't just end up as a break-up from a particular relationship, but that whole social circle that left along with that person. Do you know how much it hurts to be left by the people you love and care for so much in the blink of an eye?? It's just so painful. Loneliness is something I've dealt with my entire life, but I'd rather be and/or stay lonely than to give so much heart to people and they just end up running away with their piece. That piece still pumps within their grasp. I miss them so much.

I know, rationally, that they shouldn't have left me if they were really my true friends, but I just want them back. I wish I could have them back. I have an apartment that no one really comes to but me and my girlfriend. That's it. I wish that all of those friendships that I've developed in the past could come back and keep me company sometimes. I just loved these people so much.

I just don't know what to do. This feeling of loneliness, missing people, and reminiscing about the great times we've had together and the amazing character they possess, brings me to such a depressive state. I wish I could have so many phases of my life back. I wish I could've changed things. I wish I could be happy.

Do I not deserve it? Have I not been a good enough friend/confidant/boyfriend? I've done so much for every single person I consider a good friend, and it always seems like the appreciate it so much and are highly grateful for it. That, is unfairly short-lived when loyalties and alliances are at stake if they don't side against me. I give so much, and yet so much is still stolen from me. It's just not fair.

It's just.... not... fair.